How to kill a vampire
by Blue-Moon-silver-star
Summary: What happens when you mix a fan fic account, 2 bored boys, 300 angry twi-hards, an angry red head, and a couple of life savers? Why a pointless Alex rider twilight fic!


Hey everyone! This is a rather funny one shot that is dedicated to Ambrele! Also I did this because I broke my promise last week! Also sorry is this offends anyone! I wrote this in the style of a guy would!

* * *

How to kill a Vampire.

15-year-old Alex Rider sat with his best mate Tom in front of the computer screen. Carefully they eyed the screen, which was Jacks Profile page for a site called Fan Fiction, she had forgot to log. Alex and Tom both chuckled as they eyed the list of stories that consisted of Twilight.

"I have an Idea!" Alex whispered softly to Tom who just nodded evilly and brought up a blank page on word. Slowly they began to type both laughing hysterically.

The next day Jack was checking her email box, and much to her surprise there was THREE HUNDRED UN read messages from Fan Fiction! All reviews! Delighted Jack opened the first one, as she skimmed the review her delight turned into horror.

**From Kitty Lizard:**

**That was the WORST story ever! How could you! I hate you!**

**From Twihard235792**

**SOOOOOO like rude! How could you like doing that to like Eddiekins!**

**! ~! ~! ~!**

**From SOOOOOOOObored**

**I HATE YOU! GO TO HELL!!!!!!!**

**!~!~!~!**

**From IlOvEeDwArD**

**ARGH! How could you do that! That was like nasty!**

**!~!~!~!**

**From Kill The Twihard!**

**You like rock dude!**

**!~!~!~!~!**

**From Edward's Girl 23920**

**GO TO HELL!**

**!~!~!~!**

**From Jen JEn and JENny**

**Jen: I say we boy cot you!**

**JEn: YES LETS!**

**JENny: KILL THE TWILIGHT HATER!**

**!~!~!~!**

To say Jack was upset was an uderstatement she was soooooooooo depressed! How could someone right something like that????? She scrolled up to see what story they flamed.

"WHAT THE!" She yelped confused at the story title. She hadn't written that! She clicked on it and came up to a screen.

!~!~!~!

_It was a normal day in Forks Washington and Edward Cullen was driving down the street in his really expensive yet totally girly Volvo, singing to some Brittany Spears songs, in a really gay voice._

"_OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!" He sang while all of the girls out side of the car screamed and began to chase his totally gay VOLVO down the street. Finally after loosing the totally pathetic girls he got to the beach, were he was going to see Bella, his love! He thought back to her and smiled as he thought about her totally emotionless voice and her clumsiness._

_He smiled and pulled out the letter, that she had given him, from his Coach man purse. It read;_

_My Dear Edward,_

_So like meet me at the like beach! So that we can like do stuff! Cause I like miss you! _

_Bella_

_With the note was a wintergreen lifesaver. He grinned and plopped it into his mouth and got out of the car and made his way down the beach, that was when tragedy struck. While walking down the beach he tripped over a ladybug._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed like a little girl as he hit the ground. "MY HAIR!" He cried, and then stopped as the lifesaver got lodged into his throat. HE began to choke. He stumbled around a little till he hit another parts of the beach with about twenty were wolfs._

"_VAMPIRE!" They all screamed together, "Kill HIM!" The leaped on him and tore him into shreds and burned the pieces till all that was left was a pile of sparkling ashes. _

_On that Day Edward Cullen was killed from sucking on a lifesaver. When the funeral came along Bella was sobbing and threw herself over a cliff, leaving Jacob with the job of deciding on what to put on Edwards grave stone before he too threw himself over a cliff, while playing fetch. The gravestone read;_

_Here Lies:_

_Edward Cullen_

_Who died while sucking on a_

_Life Saver._

_1907-2009_

!~!~!~!

Jack screamed in horror at the story. Who would write something that bad!? That was when the door opened and she heard laughter. An Idea slowly filled her head.

"ALEX! TOM!" She screamed at the two boys who entered the room. The two boys starred at her then the scream were they both burst into laughter. "I'll KILL YOU!!!!!" She screamed lunging at the two boys who screamed and ran away from the angry red hair that was known wielding a knife.

Alex Rider

And

Tom Harris

Killed by Twihard after

Writing a FanFic about killing Edward Cullen.

1994-2009


End file.
